Spiders Should Die

When it comes to being a man I usually think of myself as a manly man, although not so much so that I am not in tune with my feminine side, because I surely am. I deal well with mechanical things, I am very good with my hands, I played football, and generally I am not scared of anything. Then again, I almost got kicked out of a Macy's today for pretending to give him head while we were on the escalator. The women at the make-up counter saw my tom-foolery and thought we were being serious. I think one nearly passed out before I told them that I was merely joking around (Ok, fine, here are the details: we were on the down escalator, I got in front of him and midway down turned around, bent over and buried my face in his groin, mouth ajar). Anyway, that story has nothing to do with anything....

In all my masculinity (*wink) I despise bugs. Even worse, I HATE spiders. They creep me out like nothing else, and I truly dont know why! I do remember seeing the movie Arachnophobia (which advertised itself as the first "Thrill-omedy," although I am fairly certain that it was also the last), but that sucked bull balls (and not the kind that you hang from the back of your truck you red neck), so that couldnt be the reason I fear them.

Whatever the reason, my hatred for them exists, and I hate them all, from those little red ones that are no bigger than a small dot to those big hairy tarantula fuckers that look like they just want to bite my face off. I say kill all spiders. Yeah yeah yeah, they kill other bugs. Sure, they are handy at getting rid of other nearly as creepy bug, but you know what else does the trick? Fuckin RAID! Or a nice giant bug bomb! Fuck the environment; I want my house bug free, goddamnit!

And please tell me why they have to have 8 eyes? And why the hell are they all looking in the same direction? Is it so that they can still see even after you have given them two fingers to the eyes just like how the Three Stooges used to handicap each other? Wouldnt it be more beneficial for the spider to have some eyes on its ass as well, or perhaps an eye next to each leg? Then they couldnt be surprised. Or do spiders see in 8D?

They should all go back to the Hades from which they came.