Senseful ramblings of an incoherent nature from a delusional schizophrenic (or my views on current events)

Tuesday, July 12, 2005


Today, as I was leaving the building where I work, a child who was entering the building asked his ugly as sin mother the following question:

"Why do people fall in holes?"

And I thought to myself, "my, isnt that just a brilliant question!" Unfortunately for me, him, and his ugly as sin mother, I didnt have an answer.

Logically we can say that stupid people fall in holes, and perhaps the blind if their dog isnt doing its job, and sometimes the "gifted" because they may think that falling into a hole is fun.

But then I got to thinking that there are many kinds of holes that one can fall into. The list of holes could be as long as Bubba's shrimp preparation list, however since I dont want to think about holes for that long I will merely go through a couple different types of holes that we as humans can fall into and the reasons why we might fall into them.

The Financial Hole - a theoretical hole really, but one that we are still able to stumble into if we arent careful with our spending in relationship to our income. This hole is usually fairly difficult to emerge from as well, sometimes taking years for some who dont think about it.

The "Howd She Get Pregnant?" Hole - which is usually followed by the "I slipped and fell into her hole, what do you think?" comment. This is also known as the other woman's hole. You fall into this hole when you are bored with your wife, drunk, stupid, horny, or otherwise being a man, while not wearing a condom (stupid).

The Ass Hole - This is the hole on the back of everyone's body (or at least I hope yours is there). I think the only real way to fall into this hole is if you have a small pecker and you are dating an obese gay man.

The K Hole - This hole is a rather unpleasant one if you or the people around you do not know how to handle your drugs. You fall into this hole by utilizing the animal tranquilizer known as ketamin while in a bad atmosphere. While I have never been in one and cant speak from experience, I have seen people in one and it does seem rather unfun.

The Hole - Also known as solitary confinement, one must first be in prison to even qualify to get into this hole. Then you have to commit another heinous act to get thrown into it, usually naked, and feed only bread and water for a certain amount of time determined by the warden’s mood.

The Crevasse - This is a rather thing, but deep hole, usually in glacial ice, and very dangerous. You can fall into this hole by not being careful, or just by talking along on an ice drift and falling through one. This is different from a crevice, ask anyone!

The Black Hole - Matter is sucked into this mostly unknown about phenomenon/old star that blew up. Eventually we will all fall into a black hole, but by then we will all also be buried or burned or otherwise disposed of and long forgotten. Pleasant to think about, yes?

There are many other types of holes, but unfortunately a fissure has opened up in my brain, making it hard for me to think of any others. But as far as that kid is concerned, I still really dont know how or why people fall into holes. And if I did know why, I dont think I would share it with him, he seems too nosey.


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