DaDunk DaDunk: That's the Sound of Me Running Over your Kid
Near where I work is a major Pennsylvania Highway which is currently under construction for improvements. Part of my job is to publicize the project and help get information to the public, but that has no bearing on this story. A few months ago, as part of the project, two bridges that cross the highway were torn down to be lengthened, allowing for the underlying highway to be widened. These two bridge closings left one sole bridge open to get across the highway. The problem with this bridge is that the road it is attached to goes through a residential neighborhood at 25 MPH. Now this isnt a problem for me because I have had my share of speeding tickets (in fact I am still burning off points one year at a time) so I follow the prescribed speed limit, however I can only assume that speed is a problem for nearly every other driver who is on the road because there has been a slue of lawn signs put on along the road urging us drivers to slow down:
"Slow Down, We love our kids"
"182 Kids and Pets, Please Slow Down"
"Child Molester in the neighborhood, protect him too"
Ok, that last one isnt real, but you get the picture. I cant really say that speeding on this road has been a problem, because I am only on it for a short period of time, however, I have yet to really see anyone going THAT fast down the road that these signs are really needed. I think the real problem lies with the parents and their twerp children!
An elementary school is right around the corner from this road, so everyday after school there is a wealth of children walking to their homes down this thoroughfare. I see these kids running up and down the street, playing tag, throwing things at each other from across the road, and actually running across the road without looking. What I dont see are the parents who these kids belong to. Where are they if they care so much about them? Sitting at home gawking at that fucking Oprah woman most likely, but they sure have enough time to put out a lawn sign.
Just the other day I was passing an SUV that was parked outside of one of the homes with a lawn sign when a little girl, who was in the back of the SUV, opened her door - which was on the street side mind you. Thankfully she didnt get out, but what she did do was close the door and open it again, repeatedly. Where was the mother you ask? Oh, she was too busy to notice her lil sprite as she was busy talking to another muumuu wearing waste of intelligent life. As this little girl continued to open and close her door horns began to blast, but did mommy dearest turn to see what was going on? No, of course not, instead she lit a cigarette and continued chatting up the importance of General Hospital in her otherwise meaningless life. At the stop sign, about a half mile down the street, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw that this scene had still not ended. I can only assume that it finally did cease when Mom of the Year noticed that Dr. Phil was soon to start and that she had to get home to "make dinner." And by "make dinner" I mean boil water.
Even if everyone goes 25 MPH on this road, a child will still get killed, or at the very least severely maimed, upon getting hit by a car. And the parents of this child will still go after the driver of the car as the killer (or maimer), completely oblivious to the notion that the fault should squarely rest on their own shoulders. Where were you when your kid got hit? Oh, inside, on the phone, not paying attention to your brood? Good for you, murderer. I have half a mind to stencil on my car the following:
"Im going 25, keep your kids out of the street"
But the problem with my sign is that it wouldnt be seen by any of these self-indulgent parents anyway since it is more important to be instructed by the tv on how to be a good parent instead of actually practicing parenthood. And lets not forget that smoking is good for children and its use is strongly encouraged by the surgeon general.