The Mythical Cum Tree
While walking around the City of Brotherly Love this weekend I came across a smell t'which my nose had very rarely been privy, and at first I couldnt place it. I was walking around 12th and Pine (sometimes known as the Gayborhood, but who am I to judge?) when I first noticed the offensive odor. Pungent it was! It wasnt until a few whiffs later that I was finally able to place the odious scent - man juice!
My first reaction was that there must have been a huge orgy the night before and all the used condoms must have been left outside in the heat. Not hot enough to sweat, but hot enough to foul some liquid love!
But as I continued to walk throughout the city the smell would not dissipate. So naturally I came to the realization that the semen aqueduct built in the early 1900s by the Greek immigrants had finally broken down.
It wasnt until I ended up on South Street that my nose finally led me to look skyward that I found the source of the stench: The mythical, and often overlooked, Cum Tree.
I have never seen or smelled this Cum Tree before in my life, but as I live and breathe (softly) I have now. I can only hypothesis that the tree has lain dormant for the past few years due to the fact that spring has gone missing in Philadelphia recently. However, this year the weather has been moderate and the rain plentiful, allowing the Cum Tree to bloom, sharing its beautifully delicate white flowers and its awfully pungent odor. I can only imagine what kind of honey bees are attracted to this tree, but I would venture to guess that while they might show up fashionably late, they are fabulously dressed. Bzzz dahling, Bzzz.