Elementary Bliss

Elementary school was my high school. Not literally of course, because however smart I think I am, I was not nearly that smart then. No, in elementary school I was often teased and made fun of for really no reason at all. Ok, it might have had to do with the fact that my mommy still dressed me (horribly I might add - I didnt start scrunching my socks down until fifth grade!), I had a huge fuzzy afro, and I was the most unathletic thing that existed. The next most unathletic kid, a fair skinned boy named Andrew, who grew freckles when just thinking about the sun, even made fun of me - he called me Squash, just because it rhymed with Josh.

Thankfully I was able to change. I somehow became athletic in 4th grade, started dressing myself eventually, and cut my hair short, yet this is not where our story leads us, no, not even close. Because for however bad my elementary school days were, there were those kids who had it worse then me: The special ed kids.

Most of the special ed kids really werent that special (where special equals gifted). Most of them just had the misfortune of being born before the Ritalin craze that began in the late 80s. Sure a couple of them had fat tongues and shorter limbs, but that is to be expected everywhere, and that isnt were this story is going. One kid started going bald real early, another was from Africa and couldnt speak without clicking. Yet another just liked beating the shit out of people, including the special ed teacher (he ended up at an Ivy League University, just so you know, and I am not talking about myself). One kid used to go to the bathroom in a stall, which is normal, however he would leave the door open so that everyone could see that his pants were around his ankles. While those kids all have stories of their own, this story's focus is on my favorite hyperactive kid ever, Bobby Chicks (name changed to protect the innocent - me).

Bobby was a lanky kid. Not tall and lanky, just lanky. He was the type of guy who could bend just about anyway he wanted to, or at least I imagined that he could just because his limbs were so long and thin. He had darkish skin and short cropped hair with half-way down his forehead bangs. He had a big mouth and was always saying something stupid that would get him in trouble. His eyes were tiny slits that just added to his distinction, but he wasnt asian. He always wore black jeans and a grey t-shirt, even in the dead of winter, but he always had his puffy, dark jacket on as well. He didnt go anywhere without his cheap, black, plastic backpack either.

Naturally, Bobby was constantly picked on, either because he looked different or because he was saying something outlandish. He was also to first kid I ever heard tell a teacher to go fuck themselves, something awfully ballsy for a 3rd grader.

Although I never had a class with Bobby, I would often look out of my classroom and see him either running or walking around, although I am fairly certain that he wasnt allowed to be roaming.

The best thing about Bobby was his absolute fascination with/love for this little bow-legged lass named Gabby Miller (again, name changed). Gabby was fairly popular, so for Bobby to have this crush on her just didnt make sense for him. Every time he saw her he would declare his love for her, loudly. And often he would get pounded because of this, but that did not distract him from his ultimate goal in life, to marry Gabby Miller.

One story that went around was that Bobby got caught fucking a hole in the bathroom wall while yelling out Gabby's name. Unfortunately I didnt get to see Bobby fuck the wall, but I wouldnt put it past him, and why would anyone lie about such a thing? In fact, later on I did ask Bobby about the incident and he actually fessed up to it.

Im not really certain what happened to Bobby Chicks. After elementary school he was in and out of school for as long as I can remember and no one really knew why - probably because they didnt care. But I care! I want to know what happened to my favorite wall fucker. I can only imagine that Bobby is either dead or in jail, but then again, maybe they found the proper dosage for him and he is now successful. Maybe he even married Gabby. Or maybe he is now the janitor just so he can continue to fuck the wall.