Blow Me

For the past few months I have been using post-it notes to keep track of all the things I think about during the course of the day. Some of them are just ideas, others are lists of things that I need to do or buy, and others are things that I think. The following are some of these things that I think about on a daily basis. Now I am not going to go in-depth on any of these items, they are small and inconsequential. I dont touch on religion or politics (ok, maybe a little politics) because I have covered those issues before in their own dedicated posts, and I am sure that I will again. And just so you know, this will be a recurring part of this silly little blog as every few months I will have more post-its cluttering my desk. WARNING: THE C WORD IS USED, more than once. Here goes...

I think:

...that if you are drunk on the second level of a bar and pour your drink over the ledge on some unsuspecting individual below you only to yell down, "you shouldnt have be standing there," while pointing and laughing, well, you are one funny mother fucker.

...it would be cool to be a Giant Tortoise who's only concern is keeping out of the sun and humping female giant tortoise’s, thus fulfilling your parental requirements for the life of your offspring.

...that if you are eating at a restaurant with an anorexic chef, you are dinning at the wrong place, that is, unless you are vegan.

...that anyone who puts a decal on their car for ITT Chubb, University of Phoenix, or any other of those skill types of colleges deserves to be smashed in the face.

...I hate dramatic reenactments on television shows. Either have some real clips or find some pictures, the last thing I need to watch is some dumb fuck who couldnt get a real tv job try to reenact some important world event. Nothing makes me turn off a program quicker.

...I am upset about not being alive for the first 12 super bowls! Damn you parents!

...everyone should join with me in calling Beyonce, Buoyancy.

...OJ did it.

...so did Robert Blake.

...Michael Jackson should go to jail, but he wont.

...I wish Michael Jackson molested me;)

…by waving to every cop I see that I wont get pulled over for anything I do, simply because of Karma. (just so you know, I DO do this)

...I hate the word moneys. Just use the word money for fucks sake!

...I hate the name Chas or Chaz, however you spell it. If your name is Charles, I am calling you Charles, and that is the end of it. If you make me call you Chaz, every time I say it I get to punch you in the face.

...the word chincy is hilarious.

...my favorite derogatory word, one which I dont know the meaning, is hooplehead.

...my favorite derogatory word which I do know what it means is cocksucker, followed closely by fuck, and then cunt. And if you are a woman who has a problem with the word cunt, then you yourself is a cunt. And if you have a problem with me calling you a cunt, do something about it, cunt!

...the words rummage and sale should never be put together. Why not just advertise that you are making people pay to go through your shitty garbage.

...there isnt a better bad guy on TV today than Ian McShane's Al Swearingin on HBO's Deadwood. He is the perfect man to tie a damsel to some train tracks.

...I am the only person who sees a nun and thinks, "Mmm, virgin."

...I hate people who step on their brakes while approaching a green light at an interchange. We could all only be so lucky that this individual has their feet mixed up so much that they step on the gas at a red light, thus setting up a perfect T-boning.

...we as a nation have forgotten too much of what we "learned" from 9/11.

...the government has gotten away from serving the people and moved towards directing them.

...there will be a time in humanities future where we as humans will look back and how we acted towards sex, politics, drugs, and humanity itself and laugh whilst shaking our collective head, wondering what the fuck we were thinking.

...today's parents need to raise their children better. If your cock-strong enough to carry a loaded gun, be sure you are ready to deal with the consequences.

...that this is over, for now.