Senseful ramblings of an incoherent nature from a delusional schizophrenic (or my views on current events)

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Ouch!

Lets quickly go over the many ways I have bloodied my hand:

1. Scraped right index finger knuckle so often and badly that the last time I did it I was able to see bone, while playing a jewish game called gaga, during summer camp, 1991. Permanent scar.

2. Spooned my right palm between my thumb and index finger while scooping mint chocolate chip, Breyers ice cream. Thats right, I cut myself with a spoon, and nearly severed a tendon, but thankfully didnt. It was a bloody mess and my super intelligent father said that in order to help the blood coagulate that I should crack an egg, mix it up and stick my hand in it. When I got to the hospital I was nearly laughed out of the ER. I still give my father shit about that! This happened the day before my last final, freshman year of high school, two days before leaving for Puerto Rico, where I had to swim in the ocean with a latex glove and plastic bag over my hand, talk about stylin' (1992). Permanent scar.

3. Repeated helmet impacts to the back side of my right hand, first causing a bruise, then a bump, which turned into a bump so big that the skin broke. Ah football, gotta love it. Senior year of Lower Merion High School, football (1994)(during this season I almost nearly ripped my pinky finger off at the knuckle while reaching for a hand off and getting the tip of my pinky caught in the QBs face mask. Naturally I didnt see the trainer about it and my pinky knuckle is very large). Permanent dent.

4. Repeated helmet impacts to the back side of my left hand. See number three. Freshman, Sophomore, and Junior years of the University of Pennsylvania, football (1995-1997). Permanent scars and one dent, hand and thumb.

5. Hot Clam Chowder burn to the back side of my left hand. Heated up clam chowder in the microwave, took clam chowder out of the microwave. Potato in clam chowder was so hot that it exploded, landing on my hand. Burnt area puffed up, eventually popped and, well, the rest was a yucky mess. Spring, 2004. Permanent scar.

6. Screwdriver to the left middle finger, taking out a fairly significant chunk of skin, while attempting to screw a, uh, screw through some fairly tough plastic. Screw slipped, screwdriver drove downward, chunk of finger skin hanging off, yum. May 21, 2005. Potential permanent scar.

And now the ways that I havent bloodied my hands:

1. Knife

2. Any other kind of purposely made to cut sharp item.

Hey, at least I keep my injuries interesting

6 Comments:

Blogger Seth said...

Those damn jewish games, they'll kill you if you don't watch out.

The first time I was in Israel some girls taught me a makeout game where you burned things with cigarettes.


Not as much fun as it sounds. Although I did get some action :)

1:49 PM

 
Blogger Luindur said...

Burn things like ants and leaves? Or burn things like hands, nipples, and cockandballs? Action always good; burns, not so much.

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