Death

Somewhere, probably right now, someone - probably an elderly fellow or lass - with undeniable whit and intelligence, is uttering the famous saying, "youth is wasted on the young." The truth behind this saying is really none of my concern. I dont necessarily agree that youth is wasted on the young, but I can understand the merits behind the statement. However, I digress....

I have a greater claim. One that to make makes more sense as I grow closer to my waning years: "Death is wasted on the dead." We will never know what death is about because the only people who really know are already dead.

We all can remember what being young was about, but can any of you tell me what being dead is like? No, because none of you have been dead. Sure there are those people who have seen the light and have come back to life, but in my eyes, they werent dead! They were merely nearly-dead, and nearly-dead is nothing like dead, however near it may be.

Only those who have died and stayed dead could truly explain the life-altering experience that is death, and, unfortunately, the last time I checked, there is no way to communicate with the dead, no matter what John Edwards might lead us peons to believe. And by the way, fuck John Edwards - that statement ends this tangential editorial.

So what is death like? Is there really a light? Do we pass through the pearly gates after being greeted by the great Saint Pietro (Peter)? Do we get to relive our favorite times and experience our life from a different perspective? Do we get to see all the good, or perhaps bad, that we have done and who we have affected to what extent? Are their really answers?

Or are we just dead? One minute we experience life and the next we dont. Pretty drab and depressive, huh? Maybe that's why religion was created, to make dying more acceptable - knowing that we will be "going to a better place."

Me? Ive accepted death as an inevitable. Im not scared of it or even a bit weary. Why? Because other than death and taxes, it is the One thing that each and every one of us, at one time or another, will get to experience. It's just a shame that none of those who have experienced it can tell the rest of us what to expect.

My Barrel

Although I am a staunch supporter of Jack Daniels, I am a certified Ambassador for Makers Mark Bourbon (and if you want to be an ambassador too, just let me know, I can get you in;)). Anyway, as an Ambassador, among the many priveledges that are bestowed upon me is having my name on a barrel of bourbon (ok, it is shared with a few other people). Anyway, here is the photographic proof that I have a barrel of bourbon sitting around, aging, somewhere in Kentucky...



In in the first column, under Fran Chu! Lucky me!

Perception of the Real World

"Things that TV writers write about are based on real life occurances" - That's what we should believe if we look at society as a whole while under the assumption that TV programming represent what TV writers either see, live through, or believe to be true.

At Least I Dont Have Wrinkles, Yet...

Ive been contemplating, for the past few days, what kind of prophetic, witty and clever aphorism I could spit out in recognition of today's grandeur, but alas, I have been drained of all of my creativeness, most likely because I am aging right before my very eyes! Stupid birthdays...

Ok, they really arent that bad. At least I get a cake and some legos to play with - ya really cant beat that. But the problem is that I am now 29, and that is far too close to 30 for my liking. Although it really isnt like I can do anything to change things. At least I dont have wrinkles, yet....

I remember a time when my birthday was a festive occasion. Ok, it partly still is, but it doesnt carry the weight that it used to. When I was little I could probably run around the block a few times with all the excitement I had built up inside of me as April rolled around. Now, the clock strikes midnight and I think, "boy, I dont feel any different, I guess I should go to bed." And I pretty much did.

So without further ado, I leave you with this bit of knowledge, and remember, help control the domestic pet population, get your pet's spayed or neutered:

Once, while sitting under a tree, in the twilight of a day, think to yourself, have I done anything to make this world a better place? Have I done enough for the people I care about? Can I control myself and my actions well enough to be considered a good person? When you feel qualified enough to answer these questions truthfully, burn down that tree, collect the ashes and scatter them where ever your travels may take you. No one deserves the protection of a tree that can produce such answers, however everyone needs a little piece of what that tree has to offer.

Sharon Stone Must Die...

I have often had that thought while watching her act. For one reason or another I have never been able to stand her in just about any role that she has played, nor have I been able to listen to her speak out on any issue through the news or gossip rags.

Sharon Stone got her big break by uncrossing her legs. Sure some people may argue with me that this might not be the case, but can you remember her before she made a public viewing of her coochie possible in 1992? Do you remember her in the Steve Guttenberg lead Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol? Or how about when she was in Action Jackson? Least we forget her stirring turn as Sara Toscani in Steven Seagal's Above the Law.

Basic Instinct was her last big chance to make some coin in acting and she threw all of her cards on the table, gambled and won! But let's not make such a feminine hero out of someone who cracked into the business by showing her roast beef lips.

She has since been in countless bad movies. She did make a blip in the radar when she was nominated for an Emmy for her role in Casino, but for the most part more bad movies.

Beyond her stirring acting resume, she has been known to spit wisdom upon us on how she feels, mainly about feminine issues. Far be it for me to stop any woman from getting his or her fair share of this thing we call life, but should someone who got famous for getting naked really be leading the charge? Doesnt that seem hypocritical? Or maybe it is just ironic.

More recently she has been known for her husband's foot getting attacked while he had a special privilege to view a Komodo Dragon up close, in it's cage at the Los Angeles Zoo. Prior to that Sharon Stone stole her husband, Phil Bronstein, editor of the San Francisco Chronicle, from his then wife. Im sure Im not the only one who chuckled when I first heard of this Komodo Dragon attack. And Im sure Im not the only one who felt justified in his laughter. I may have even hoped that the foot would fall off, but I might just be making that up for this story. I must say though, that my insensitivity is not directed at her husband - I truly wish that he has gotten better from his attack and would never wish such an attack on a human - no, I feel justified in my laughter because of my hatred for Sharon Stone.

So it has been quite some time (14 years to be exact) since Sharon Stone showed her vagina to the world for the first time and here she is, doing it again, in - what else - Basic Instinct 2. And from what I hear she is nuder and naughtier than before. Im sure I wont see it, hell, I havent seen the first yet, and I honestly dont care, since Sharon Stone must die.

Normally that would end this rant, but the story is not over, and I hope you are ready for this twist. I think I may be falling for Sharon Stone...

Yes, you heard it right. Ok, I admit, I dont want to fuck her or anything like that, but I have to admit that she is looking pretty good these days. And her acting is actually enjoyable. Did you see her in Broken Flowers? Well, maybe you didnt since her teenage daughter in that movie got completely naked and looked GOOD, but Sharon Stone pulled it off. And if you havent seen her in the latest episode of Huff you are truly missing out, she is hilarious, something I never thought I would say about Sharon Stone.

The odd thing, besides my complete change in stance on the issue of Sharon Stone, is that I think she may have taken an unnecessary risk by doing Basic Instinct 2 and being naughty all over again, especially since the movie has tanked. If she continues to act like she did in Broken Flowers and Huff, I will continue to watch her. I know, such blasphemy has never come out of mine lips.